i wish...

Life wasn't always so hard.

Or threw hardballs at us when we least expect it.

Or challenge us and take us out of our comfort zone.


I wish I could escape to this place.



But I can't.


I wish I could down one of these!



But I don't drink.


I wish I could take all the fear and worry away about my kids, especially Damian.

But I can't and I WON'T.

It's that fear and worrying that drives the fight in me. Makes me be that loud voice for him. I use that energy to keep going.

We had a huge long awaited meeting with alot of peeps there for making the transition to middle school a successful one for him. I had some head honchos there it was that big.

We came prepared and organized with the help of our ABA therapist Lillian.

Having so many people there to help advocate for Damian meant the world to us.

Some drama unfolded and I had to call someone out on it.

I had to do it. I am Damian's voice. He can't self advocate so that is where we step in.

I'm proud of myself and Troy for being such involved parents who fight till the end to ensure our child is getting the appropriate education and services in place to help him succeed.

I received numerous emails from the team about how well they thought we did in this meeting and how proud they were to have us as clients and families they work with.

This is God's plan for me and I'm up for the challenge.

I don't always wanna be so strong, I sometimes wish things would just fall into place but I have to work hard for Damian and my other children and I won't stop. EVER.


Great.

Now I wish I could indulge in this.



No I don't.

I'd be near death if I ate that.

I'll just settle for a little retail therapy with my BFF tonight and maybe a sneaky bite of a muffin :)

...........
xo

I needed a sign

I had a rough day with Damian yesterday.

I needed a reminder that I need to be patient and accept what comes with autism.

Yes Damian is high functioning and I hear all the time from parents of kids with and without autism that we are lucky that he can talk, communicate with us and function quite well. Yes I do remind myself of that but his disability no matter where it is under this "umbrella", comes with challenges for ALL of us.

Autism is autism. Stop putting a band-aid on it. I need to face it head on and ACCEPT.

He was taken off of his medication for health reasons and that may be a coincidence or a cause. Not sure yet.

I was tired of the arguing and negotiating when it was time to practice shoe tying.

He had a near meltdown because Max was in the same room with him while he read.

I didn't have dinner on the table at 5:30 and this caused many outbursts.

I was impatient and frustrated for most of the day mainly because he wasn't on MY timetable. His disability gets in my way and takes my time. I need to remind myself to ACCEPT and give thanks to the Lord and remember the good.

You Need a Sign

Treasure him…

You need a sign.
What better one could I give
than to make this little one whole and new?
I could do it; but I will not.
I am the Lord and not a conjuror.

I game this mite a gift I denied to all of you-
eternal innocence.
To you he looks imperfect,
but to Me
he is flawless,
like the bud that dies unopened
or the fledgling that falls from the nest
to be devoured by the ants.
He will never pervert or destroy the work
of My Father’s hands.

He is necessary to you.
He will evoke the kindness that will keep you human.
His infirmity will prompt you to gratitude
for your own good fortune.
More!

He will remind you every day that I Am who I Am,
that My ways are not yours,
and that the smallest dust mote whirled in darkest space
does not fall out of My hand.

I have chosen you.
You have not chosen me.
This little one is my sign to you.

I used to wonder why God would send a child down here to Earth with a disability and severe challenges in life. Then I met Damian.

When God created human life, he did so in his image; loving, accepting, generous, kind and patient.

I needed that sign, that reminder of ACCEPTANCE.
..............
xo

training coming outta my ears!

Today was bittersweet. Our first 8 hour training class was today for Troy and I. I was and am soo excited about it. This not only gets services for Damian but teaches us how to apply the therapy at home. It will actually benefit Max as well, even Brandon and Mila if we wanted.

But before that long spiel, the kids earned their Baskin Robbins reward for chores for the week. Plus having coupons made it even better for me! They were so proud. Brandon said he is getting his because he got an award at school and I told him that does not mean 2 scoops.










Today was about Applied Behavioral Analysis, ABA for short. I thought it was for only younger children but it can be applied to adults as well.

Typically developing children learn without our intervention--the world around them provides the right conditions to learn language, play, and social skills. Children with autism learn much, much less easily from the environment. They have the potential to learn, but it takes a very structured environment, one where conditions are optimized for acquiring the same skills that typical children learn "naturally." ABA is all about how to set up the environment to enable our kids to learn.

We are to pick out some skills Damian needs to be taught. We chose washing his face, he has serious tactile issues, and using the restroom the right way, before and after. We set up a task analysis which is basically the steps to learn each of these new skills.

Rewards and reinforcers are a must when it comes to this therapy.

Appropriateness- rewards need to be what he likes. We chose for now some edible treats. When we attack behavior issues then it will be for something bigger, like video game time. He will earn tokens for that.

Immediacy- delivering the reinforcer/reward within 3 seconds of the behavior we wanted

Consistency- reinforce the desired behavior or skill every time it occurs, no getting sloppy on our part!

Contingency- only give praise AFTER the behavior you asked for occurs.

We will have a home visit next week to see how we did and she can help us troubleshoot. Our homework is also data collecting on behaviors we need working on and what caused it, etc. Yes!!!!

This is why I wanted this behavior therapy for him..and Max but don't tell them.

10 year olds should NOT be throwing tantrums. Damian is actually almost completely free of those. He will scream or yell if he does not want to do something or transition from say the computer to homework. That is not acceptable anymore and I am so happy we can finally deal with this and turn it around!!!

It will make our life so much more smoother without these escalating behaviors. Limiting computer and video game time is a must for us and getting help for that will be so much easier for us.

Troy was so happy to be there and take part in it. I know he sometimes feels left out of the loop because I usually go to the meetings, do the research, make the phone calls, etc and now we have a plan in place and we're both on the same page!

So I am beat.

Made a dish with some new products, sipped on iced tea from Starbucks (my new obsession) and watched Troy wrestle with Damian, his new thing. Then everyone else piled on him.



Love my life.
..............
xo

lots of gabbing and jamming..we hope!

Yes that is a real electric guitar in Damian's hands and not a plastic Guitar Hero one.

Not that plastic ones weren't great. That's what got him exposed to his love of music and Van Halen. Plus the ability to blow all of us out of the water in Guitar Hero.

Sunday is Damian's first GUITAR LESSON! So Excited for him! We found a music therapist in East Sac and he sounds awesome. He was highly recommended by parents of a group I belong to.
He thought the electric guitar was a good pick for Damian since 1. his goal is to rock out to Van Halen and 2. it's easier to learn on.

So future jam sessions with his uncle? We can only hope.

The cutest thing is when Damian announced he wants to be in a band. His name for it? The Hailstones. Love it!!!

On another awesome note..

Damian and I visited the site of a potential social skills group he will go to 3 times a week. It's the ACE (Autism Center for Excellence) program at Sac State and again was highly recommend by his school and other parents.

How A.C.E. works

Through this structured after-school recreational program, kids with autism participate in large and small group activities where they:

• Practice their social and communication skills
• Learn about the inter-relatedness of the people in their lives
• Build friendships and social support networks
• Develop motor skills, balance and agility

Lessons are modified for different levels of understanding, and parents are instructed on techniques they can use at home. The program is highly successful due to its interdisciplinary approach. Program staff are supported by:

• Occupational therapists
• Speech therapists
• Adapted physical activity therapists
• Applied behavioral analysts

BINGO! Just what Damian needs.

As soon as we walked in he was swept away by his "buddy" who is a college grad and she had him playing baseball. BASEBALL! This is a child who likes sedentary activities. It was set up in the gym and he ran around those bases forever.

Next was snack and he joined some of the other kids and just really listened at first. I think once he gets to know them he may open up. Damian does well with adults that are high energy and engaging. She definitely was! The kids range from 8-12 so it's a perfect group for him.

Then tire swing time and he really enjoys that movement. These are huge inflatable tires.

His favorite? The foam block pit. He flew into that thing and announced he loves "gin-nastics!" Until a kid was about to jump in and join him. Later!

This is possible because I advocated and never gave up on him for 2 years with Alta Regional Center. They provide services to children with autism and because Damian is considered high-functioning it was a challenge to get him on as a client.

But it happened after an assessment from MIND Institute. I am forever grateful for that day.

Now Damian has a case manager who is in charge of all the services he can receive. Because of severe budget cuts a lot of services are not available anymore. We pay for the guitar lessons but I would pay regardless. Everything else is through Alta.

We also will have behavioral and adaptive skills therapy and training in our home for him.

Now the struggle is implementing more services in school. They really have stepped up since they learned I have an advocate through Area Board III. They serve children with special needs through school and Alta. Our advocate scares me. That's why I love her. She is coming with us plus our case manger on the 23rd to our next IEP meeting.

Homeschooling him through a charter school is looking more appealing to us. You can only put up with the walls the school puts up for so long. I have a meeting related to schooling alternatives this week so I'm looking forward to that one.

Things are slowly falling into place for Damian. It's going to be a busy and bumpy ride at first but we are ready for it. Anything that benefits the kids is always worth it.
...............
xo

My sweet boy revisited

I was browsing my blog yesterday and came across the montage I did for Damian in 2009.

It still makes me smile.

I updated it with some new photos and info.

He makes me so proud.

I have exciting updates on him and one includes an electric guitar ;)

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

updating on Damian and Eric

Quick update from my advocacy files ;)

We finally had our M.I.N.D. Institute assessment done through Alta Regional. We had to cancel the first time because I was held up in a hospital bed.

It didn't come to much surprise but it did hit me hard for a few minutes. I don't remember what the pyschologost was saying during that couple of minutes.

He was formally diagnosed with autism. His "label" has been thrown around quite a bit. Damian is a complicated case apparently. But I had trails and trails of testing, evals., etc and it is a consistent pattern since he was little of autistic like behavior.

Doesn't matter if it's high functioning, low functioning, whatever. He has it and it does't really change who he is.

But what it does do is open up more doors for services. I am hoping for occupational therapy for his sensory issues through Alta and his school, and social skills groups as well.

I have been waiting for this day, mainly for my own sanity, and it finally came. Had to pull teeth, had to piss people off and be the Mom that I'm sure that they roll their eyes at.

OH WELL.

I got what he needed.

But for us it's just a label. Damian is Damian. Not autism Damian. Just our quirky little boy.

So no more sitting and playing with toys, being asked numerous questions and sadly remembering that you have done this all before.

No more baby. No more prodding your beautiful, intelligent mind.

Also I have been really researching and considering homeschooling Damian starting 7th grade or sooner if needed. He needs to be taught a different way than his peers and needs to be more engaged in his work. Only we know how to make Damian work.
......................

And my college bound boy is going to be busy this break. We met with his counselor and have a few school under our belt that he will apply for. He has the grades to go straight to a University and he is prepared for college. All the classes he took his whole 4 years are some of the toughest ones there is. They are all Advanced classes that you will find in college!

I'll give a hint to one..I'm not too fond of because it's far but one of the top schools...Crimson Tide.

I'll miss my Joey!!!

So life is good right now. My in-laws are coming down tomorrow, my kids are amazing and so is my honey..and I'm up to 43 lbs lost after my picc line setback! I'm buying clothes and the next week they are too big. It's actually just as frustrating as gaining weight and not fitting in clothes!

But I ain't complaining!
.........
xo

pickin pumpkins

Just wanted to share that as I'm writing this I am feasting on steamed zucchini cubes with some parmesan sprinkled. Okay 11 cubes to be exact but when you haven't eaten in a looong time, anything is good. Just sayin' :)

Yesterday was a busy, inspiring, fun and freezing day. I looked forward to pumpkin picking ever since I was in the hospital. We usually go up to Apple Hill or a fun place in our own area but we decided a last minute trip to West Sac. was in store.

Back to our old favorite. Who now has animals, bounce houses...uugghh, and new mazes. It was so cold but so worth it.




Ok that would be my daughter..not a doll. I hate when he does this but I had to snap a photo. Max was next and Troy's arms were hurtin' after that one!





just woke up of course



plus him..you can tell by the drool spot





found Damian!



Max and Daddy trying to locate Mila







like the Van Halen shirt? Eh? I made it. Yep. Stenciled and painted it. I made one for Damian for his Eddie Van Halen costume but fell in love with doing this so made one for B too! I found a NEW hobby. Great.



hey..I gotta broken arm scarecrow...what can I say?



Damian picked this scarecrow of course



this is zoomed in so it looks small but this thing was huge. I pictured myself rolling down it backwards so I stayed low. Very low. By the way Damian came prepared for the weather but he gets hot quickly. I'm sure we got stares. Do we care? Nope.



about to jump into the wet hay bounce spot. Who's great idea was this??


We had alot of fun and alot of laughter. I needed it.
.................

Earlier that day I met with an advocate for Area Board 3 which represents families with disabilities. I waited a year for this and it was so worth it.

We have a good case if we ever had to go to court. She saw the things Damian still needed and they were the services I have been fighting for. So the school gets a list of things our advocate wants done and Alta will most likely be paying for what I need for him if he qualifies. This wonderful woman will make it happen.

An inspiring woman who has 2 older children on the spectrum and they are leading productive lives.

Gives us hope. We always had it but to hear another mother go through what I still go through and will for the rest of my life is comforting.

And a plus? All FREE.




missed nap times when I was away



I guess Max thought his Pillow Pet should nap instead of him. Figures.

.................
xo

my thought for the day

Love this kid.

So proud of him and the effort he is putting into 4th grade.

It's been a challenge so far but Damian has been a trooper.

He always amazes us and surpasses all expectations I have for him.

We are finally on the path we wanted to be on for him.

One step at a time.

This is all for Damian and what lies ahead.

It wasn't easy and may always be that way but someday adjustments will come easier and life itself will be more tolerable and that is why we do the things we do for him, why we fight the fights we do for him and most importantly love him unconditionally.





.............
xo

let the chaos continue...

This last week has been hectic and filled with the normal doctor visits and chaos.

The boys are outta school until July. We will miss both their teachers but Damian's teacher especially.

She was my right-hand man! In the classroom that is. She never complained about my daily emails, even gave me her home email to keep up on Damian. She always welcomed my visits to the classroom while I observed Damian. She agreed with me at the IEP's and I could confide in her about new medications we were trying with him.

I always stay in contact with each of his teachers throughout the year and have become friends with them since Kinder. It's important to be on the same page as the school, especially with children like Damian..

I made the teachers a gift to say thank you!





It was the first time I used Mod Podge. I bought it to make the pictures to hang in the kid's rooms. I love this stuff! I used scrapbook paper on the frames and this stuff rocks.

We had our usual appointment with the one of Damian's doctors yesterday and he finally gave me the extensive report from our last visit outlining his autism diagnosis and why he needs services. I hope the Regional Center will finally take this one. If not we got taken on by Area Board III in September and they will fight and represent us for sure.
.................

Just a random shot of Mila sleeping of course.

This is why we have big brothers.




Thank you for the prop Brandon.

We are such a busy family. Always on the go. Always visiting specialists. Trying to entertain each and every one of them. Continuing to strive for a flowing and organized home. Looking for recipes that everyone will enjoy. Cooking non-stop.

I could go on and on. But the recipe part is getting a little better. Except that I put cheese inside like a dummy forgetting about Eric. AARRGGH. He's actually eating healthier so he didn't miss out.



Homemade Ziti. The kids liked it except Damian but that was a given.
..........

xoxo

updates on my sweet boy

I watched the Temple Grandin movie last night until 1 a.m. It made me cry and made me proud. It gave me hope and gave me courage. I saw alot of Damian in the character and thought about the challenges he will probably face in the many years to come. It worried me.

Then I realized I haven't updated about Damian on here in along time. Here it goes...

Some of you know I have been trying to get services for Damian through the regional center, After sending in more assessments, even the one from M.I.N.D, they denied him again. I have the appeal papers in front of me and no idea what I'm doing.

There is a fine line when it comes to using assessments from research studies. But I know if I fight this we may really win.

I contacted Area Board III and have become a client of theirs starting in September. That won't really help me in the next 30 days which is all I have to appeal. They will advocate for us, accompany us to all meetings and they know the law. They are already in the process of taking the regional center to court. So this will be a HUGE step for us.

It gets so frustrating trying to convince people that Damian would benefit from additional services. I know that intervening now would be crucial for his teen years and beyond. I still beat myself up for not listening to my gut and getting him help right away when I noticed something wasn't right.

So all I can do is move forward and we are.

I don't think anyone realizes how hard it is for Damian to appear "normal." Who even knows what normal is? Yes he will smile at you, engage in a little back and forth conversation and appear that he gives a hoot about what you are carrying on about! But inside he is about to explode. It is very exhausting physically and mentally for him to hold it all together. He knows in a sense how he is supposed to act socially but he needs so much help.

So I am going to try and get an official diagnosis from another psychologist. I'm burned out on professionals. We see one of his docs next week and hopefully we can pinpoint the shift in his behaviors. I think some of it is because he is out of school and the routine is not there. So I'm working on being better at his schedule at home.

This kid amazes me daily. He got his brothers and sister there breakfast this morning, he invited his brothers into his "boat", and keeps telling me he is so happy I am his Mom and he is with me all of May.

He is rocking out to Rockband and researching everything he can on tornadoes. We watched Twister I don't know how many times. He is getting better at figuring out what he needs when he is over stimulated. He likes to wear headphones in the car so he can block out the loud noises and annoying behavior of his siblings. Smart kid!

I still don't know all the things I should to help him. I learn along the way and research every day either reading or the computer. It is what I think about 24/7. But I can't forget my other children and sometimes it shows. Brandon knows Damian is special but he still needs my attention just as much as all the other ones.

So the next step is searching for another psychologist and trying to get some legal advice from the Disabilities Rights office. Wish me luck.
....xo

thnigs are going good so far!

So have I made the recipes yet? Nope.

But I did scrapbook, got bad news from the eye doctor and got a new faucet courtesy of my handyman hubby!

I couldn't wait until we re-did this kitchen to get a new faucet. The purifier was making it spray everywhere and the faucet itself was grody. Another reason I love being a homeowner. Pick out and do whatever the heck you want!





my handymen



Brandon sporting my ugly eye doctor specs



my layout with pictures I've been meaning to scrap for 2 years! It felt so good to surround myself with my goodies and all these great memories.

My in-laws are coming down tomorrow and I cannot wait. It's always so much fun when they are here and the kids go crazy when they see them. Plus I get to always go craft shopping with my mother-in-law. Another reason to spend moola!
......................

So I'm going blind. Yep. No O2 getting to my eyeballs because my kiddos broke my glasses and I'm lazy and I keep my contacts in forever. Soooooo.....

I have inflammation in my cornea and it is turning into an ulcer and I'm on steroids to clear it out. Then I get to go buy cute glasses and more expensive contacts apparently.

Troy wants to pay for me to get Lasik surgery but I'd rather have lipo and a tummy tuck. I may take him up on that offer because I'm kinda gettin' tired of these puppies covering up my eyes for the past 20 years.
.............................

On another note...Max had his 4 year check-up yesterday with 4 shots. He didn't even move with the first shot but as soon as she kept stabbing him the cries got louder. But I soon found out that the 4 Band-aids on his legs was freaking him out instead!

Everything looks good. We are going to see a pediatric surgeon instead of a general surgeon for the little mass below his neck. They said the good thing is that it's smooth and it moves around a little. Bad would be rigid and stable. Phew.

We'll have him seen by the same behavioral pediatrician Damian sees to possibly have further assessments done on him to rule out PDD. His OT is a little concerned with behaviors so I wanna get him squared away before kinder time. May just all be sensory but with my kids you never know.

Plus they have a strong advocating and sometimes pushy mom who will stop at nothing to get every single service and evaluation they deserve. His speech is great, it's just the behaviors I want ruled out.

Speaking of that doctor, Damian has his follow-up with him today to see how he's doing on some new treatments we are doing for him. I told a handful of people and I'll let you guys know what's going on!

...........................
xo

Our sweet boy Damian

I've been wanting to make one of these for a long time. It's part of something I want to complete this New Year.

Sometimes families forget that while they are fighting for their child, crying over the future of this child, feeling sorry for themselves and asking the " Why can't he" or " If he would just" questions, we forget like I did that we aren't the ones with autism, we aren't the ones fighting our own brain and body daily.

We need to banish those questions and remember that we didn't fulfill every expectation our parents had of us and we wouldn't want to be constantly reminded.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

what else does He have in store for us?

SO....

Damian had a SIPT done in the beginning of this month. It was for my own information and it was also free! I thought I could use this to show his school as well that he could still benefit from occupational therapy.


So she's going to meet me with next week to give me the results and since I am not an O.T. even though before all of this I was actually gathering info. about it at Sac City ( weird huh?), she'll explain the results.


Basically he does have dyspraxia.

"Developmental dyspraxia is an impairment or immaturity of the organization of movement. It is an immaturity in the way that the brain processes information, which results in messages not being properly or fully transmitted. The term dyspraxia comes from the word praxis, which means 'doing, acting'. Dyspraxia affects the planning of what to do and how to do it. It is associated with problems of perception, language and thought."


So this explains the sensory issues, possibly comprehension problems, motor planning, etc.



Now you know me! I stuck my nose in every book I have about this and scoured the google world as well. So I found something else to fight for. I really wanted to shout out " C'mon already!! " But I didn't and I wasn't surprised at the findings. I do what I normally do and I breathe, close my eyes and thank Him for our children who are our blessings and question again why He thinks I am strong enough for all of this.


Just another little hump we need to get over and work through with the help of the school and hopefully therapy outside of school that won't break the bank.


I now see why people go broke paying for all the services the children need. It makes sense now. We're fortunate that Damian isn't as severe as some who need alot of outside services. BUT he still needs alot of support and it starts at home.



So we need to revisit our routines and schedules here at home and implement a system that will work for him and our family as a whole.


So that's the latest with my little ball of fire!

Never a dull day around here.

......................

xoxo

wake up

1 in 58 children as of Aug 2009

What you ask?

AUTISM


"I am utterly speechless.

Because still... there is no sense of urgency... no rush to stop this.

The entire country is practically shutting down over a mild flu, and yet brain damage to one percent of children garners still more yawns.

How many years have we been asking, "How high does the autism rate have to go?!

"Apparently higher than 1 percent of children. Apparently higher than 2 percent of boys.

Will it be 1 in 50, is that the magic number that will finally wake up those in power?

Will it be 1 in 20? 1 in ten? 1 in two?There should be rioting in the streets over this."


I read an autism blog and this is quoted from that, 1 in 58 children reported by the chair of the disabilities commission.

This really hit home for us especially after the HUGE 11th evaluation for Damian. Guess what I got from it? Anything different?

NO.

I found out that Damian is

-unique, loveable, affectionate, curious
-wants to interact so badly but mentally and physically cannot
-has a sense of humor and his eye contact is getting much better
-knows exactly what he wants to tell you but that part of his brain isn't working correctly YET.

These are things we knew and I accept them all. This is who he is. I am done trying to find answers, quick fixes and blaming myself.

These are our children and this is how GOD made them. We will deal with their special issues when we cross them. We will continue to be their voice and make sure they receive everything they are entitled to in order to live fulfilling lives.

No more prodding at my kid's brains. No more late night Googling on how to find the connection between them all. No more pushing away Troy or anyone else when I have consumed myself too much.

I did what I could do. According to alot of specialists and professionals, I've done everything right and have fought good enough. It's out of my hands now. I'll just keep adjusting things around them to make it easier for them and modifying what we need to in school.

The behaviors and the reasons for them are more clear to me now. I now understand WHY.

We'll see what the pyschologist from Alta says in her report. But she sees what I see, assured me I wasn't crazy after all of these years and was positive Damian has a wonderful prognosis.

our literal thinker

Me: "Are you scared about school Damian?"

Damian- " Nope."

Me- " Who will you eat lunch by?"

Damian- " I think I'll sit by Maddie." ( our next door neighbor)

Me- " You may not see her in the cafeteria. You can always make friends."


Short pause. Turns around to face me.

Damian- "You want me to DRAW my friends???" ( with the sarcastic look he gives)


I have been giggling quietly ever since. If any of you have heard my "growing like a weed" story about Damian you'll know exactly why he said this!

Children with autism and speech delays have issues with idioms. An idiom is any phrase that has a non-literal meaning. Since children with autism are literal thinkers, Damian doesn't understand when someone says " It's raining cats and dogs!" Or my favorite " You're growing like a weed!"

Damian thought I literally wanted him to make friends.

I haven't stopped smiling and hugging him.

warrior mama

I do it for this cute face. Plus it's my job as a parent to insure that my children get the education and intervention they are entitled to, disabilities or not.

Even if he decides to eat mashed potatoes with his fingers ONLY..thanks Oobi for that encouraging episode.

Max had his IEP meeting last week and we've been waiting anxiously for it. Honestly I went in pretty set on the fact that we would be denied services for him.

Well we weren't, which is a good AND bad thing. He will be receiving speech services and occupational therapy services as well. This is what Damian has at school as well but for different issues. Max has a severe receptive language delay and only a mild delay in his expressive language. Actually they were pretty confident he will pick up his language in time for school.

O.T. is for his sensory needs and we'll follow a sensory "diet" at home for him. That's basically the activities for his specific needs. Damian has a diet we follow as well because of his low muscle tone and gross motor skills.

That was the good part. The next part is good and bad because I had them do an autism assessment on him which came back fine..he's not autistic according to them. That's great! But because of that he won't qualify for a day class like Damian had. They don't have just speech handicapped classes in Elk Grove like they do in Sac. So if we want preschool we have to find our own. They gave me a name to a good preschool here in Elk Grove so we'll look into that.

So that's the update on Max! Speech next door and O.T. at another site. Not bad for fighting for what you want!

the end of the road

This is why I can't leave my kids and update all of you everyday....and the 80's ponytail is because I cannot tame that hair in the morning.

BUT..when this happens around here then I can! I walked into the living room and all I saw was this foot sticking up on the couch. He rarely falls asleep out here.

I'll update on Damian with the short version. I called this post the end of the road because it feels like that to us. I've cried, cursed, fought, yelled, felt sorry for him, blah blah blah. What every normal parent would do I think if they were in my position. I advocated for along time and finally got someone to listen and diagnos him.

We have his IEP meeting on the 11th and after psych testing with the most kind and helpful woman out of all of them, they have come to a diagnosis of PDD which stands for pervasive developmental disorder. This is on the autism spectrum and is considered high functioning. Not Asperger's like we thought because those kids do not normally have speech delays as severe as Damian's. They look for 3 key things in autism and you must have all 3 to have a diagnosis.

Speech delays, deficit in social skills and repetitive behaviors. He has all 3 but I don't think his repetitive behaviors are that bad. He loves memorizing things like his lunch menus or rewinding DVD's for hours.

We'll talk about placement on Wednesday. I'm not 100% convinced he needs to be in a CH class and I'm scared to pull him out of regular ed. for even part of the day. I think we'll hold off until we put him in the school next door.

So I finally heard what I needed to hear which didn't come to a shock which was good for us. But still hearing it is hard. I had a hard time and I still have my moments. We know it's lifelong but we also know there will come a point in his life that he has adapted to it and it won't be as hard or noticeable I think.

Max will be speech and academic tested on Thursday so I have a stressful week ahead of me. I honestly think they'll say his speech is fine but we do need to work on his sensory issues. Sensoy processing disorder can come across as autism because most children with autism have sensory issues like Damian. BUT I've learned you can have sensory without autism. Such a broad spectrum I don't know how they do it sometimes.

So I guess that was the long version! I'm so passionate about it and I feel God gave me these special children for a reason. I hardly think I'm cut out for it at times but I prove myself wrong and find out something new about myself because of my children. Eric had his tough start on life and then Damian. I used to look up into the heavens and scream "Why me and my children????"

He made them special in their own ways and they have all made me stronger and showed me that along this journey. I told Troy if I could take autism away from Damian I couldn't. That's who he is and he wouldn't be Damian without his own individual personality.

On another note...never leave me with ribbon scraps and a little girl. Here's my poor excuse for pigtails. Someone come teach me!!

plans for the week

Elmo's Birthday is on Saturday at Borders! We're taking the kids to the Borders here in Elk Grove to help celebrate Elmo with games, prizes, and activities! Hoping to catch a glance of the red monster as well.

Damian has an appt. with hopefully the last specialist on my list. I'm not holding my breath with this one but a woman from the autism team for the district said I might as well! I talked to Kristen today from the autism team that is currently looking at Damian. She was just as informative and sweet as the Elk Grove gal. All this hard work and research is FINALLY paying off for me. Someone is listening!

She said his unique memorization skills are often a sign because they are repetitive and his reactions to changes in his routine. I just thought he loved lunch menus! I have to admit I was sort of tired of explaining this whole story all over again but I'll keep doing it if I have to.

And thanks to my special education teacher friend Sonja, I have an IEP meeting that HAS to be done by March 13th. I learned how to be the more active and "informed" parent because of her. Shout out to my homegirl Sonja...only because I know you're reading this! hehe

Max just walked up to me and asked for more coffee which means I left my cold coffee somewhere. Time for lunch I think.

The kids new obsession right now, doodle-berries as Max calls them. Cut in half and skinned for 2 of them..that's the overprotective part of me!

My new obsession. Dark chocolate kisses..I eat 5 of these bad boys for 2 pts!

I'm headin' on over to the local huge scrapbook store for a crop on Saturday from 5pm till 1 a.m. with Damian's old teachers. Haven't seen them in awhile either so it'll be nice to get out with the girls! The store has raffles, pizza and drinks and good discounts. Can't wait!

I'll update everyone on D's appt. this week. Our tradition is hitting the Mcd's on the way home with the dino playing the guitar. Damian loves sitting right in front of it. I love that one on one time with him and he's really opening up more. We don't eat out anymore and this is a nice treat for him.

God brought me another angel

Just when I thought I was going to pull the last of my hairs out that I could pull. Just when I thought I couldn't do this anymore...He worked his magic once again.


I had a transition meeting for Max today because Alta booted him when he tuned 3. This was to see what to do with him in the school system. I met with with a woman named Jennifer and she just so happened to work with kids with autism for the past 12 years. She started many programs out here in Elk Grove for them as well.


I did the whole speech of how Max behaves, his quirks, language delay yadda yadda yadda. I swear she had a halo around her head. I snuck Damian's behavior in as well and how he is around the house.


"That's autism."





blink blink





come again??





I could hear the angels.."HALLELUJAH!!!!!"





Only because I've been waiting for this. It's not a diagnosis..YET..but we'll get that soon I'll guarantee it! I hugged this woman. I called her an angel. Elk Grove school district has soo many programs for children like Damian and Max. We cannot wait.


Back to Max! He will be evaluated by the assessment center and we will try and qualify him for a self-contained classroom setting. In other words...free preschool!!! :) They will have speech, O.T., social skills classes...I'm tearing up as I write this.


We are blessed with these children that we have. I look at Max and Damian in another light now. They are so special, as are our other kids, they just process the world differently than you and I do. Simply put.





Just a liitle reminder of how funny, cute, loving, loud, demanding and mischevious Damian is...

And how silly, stubborn, adorable, angelic and sneaky Maxie is!

She also said one more thing that will stick with us for this whole long journey.

"This is NOT a death sentence."

Damn right it's not.

blessed ending to a long week

Well our 2 relatives are well. Both of them are pulling through and doing wonderful.

Make sure and click the Breast Cancer link everytime you visit my awesome blog! :)

Max and Mila had doc appt's today and only Mila had one shot. She howled and glared at the nurse and then that was it! Snoopy band-aid to follow and she was one happy camper. Then she escaped down the halls and ran into another exam room with patients in it.

Mila is on target for everything except speech. The doctor wanted at least 10 words we could understand and she says about that but we'll follow up with Alta...AGAIN. Her weight is in the 75th percentile and her height is in the 90th. Tall ol thing! She also wanted us to try and introduce her to the toilet since she is very verbal about being wet in her diaper. I'm sure I can find a cute, pink girly pot!

Max was another story. She noticed some behaviors he exhibits and it was interesting because at 2 years old you have to fill out a autism checklist. Well the things we said NO on for being signs of autism are actually yes's now. Not too encouraging. We'll have the doctor who is evaluating Damian evaluate Max too for autism. She would like him to be potty-trained too if it isn't a battle.

After we were all done we started to head out and my lovely Maxie decided to throw one his LOUD fits. I mean blood curdling scream. Bouncing everywhere. Turning red and shaking. Full blown. I was proud of myself because I lowered down to his level and held him and rocked and rubbed his back. He started calming down and for once I zoned everyone else out. I could care less about what they thought. I did catch a glance at the receptionist for another office and I rolled my eyes. Next time I'll say something or hand them liitle info cards about their condition. That'll shut them up.

So things are looking up as far as interventions. I can't wait for the eval's and the services. We love our children so much and fighting for them is what we do!